Monday, August 4, 2008

Junior Fruit Cremes

Junior Fruit CremesSometimes I let me curiosity get the better of me. And in the case of Limited Edition Junior Fruit Cremes, it wasn’t that exhilarating sense of discovery that made me do it. It was because I’d already seen a bunch of reviews and was pretty convinced that they were bad.

But sometimes I have to find out how bad they are for myself (call it the curiosity of Schrodinger’s cat). Here are a few highlights of what I knew I was in for:

Joann at Sugar Hi: All I could taste was sweet. The raspberry was also sickeningly sweet and reminded me of those candy coated marshmallow Easter eggs that are always leftover on the store shelves weeks after Easter.

AV Club: A.V. Club testers back at the office were pretty dubious about Junior Fruit Cremes, praising their initial tart burst of juicy fruit taste, but not so much the way the flavor quickly passed, leaving us all with waxy mouthfuls of the outer coating.

Sera at The Candy Enthusiast: I couldn’t finish the recommended serving of these since I they were burning out my esophagus with the sugar hit. I am not kidding, my throat just *burns* for all the sugar in this.

Patti at Candy Yum Yum: On the package, the drawings of the cremes look all bright and shiny and oozy in the center. In reality, they’re grayish, and the centers are dry, like a thin mint patty. I can’t even describe the taste. Gross, like a bad grammar school fruit dessert.

Junior Fruit Cremes

At first glance they look a lot like the Pastel Junior Mints that were out around Easter. It’s some sort of white confection (well, pastel colored in this case) that looks like melted crayons but is probably supposed to remind us of real white chocolate. They’re nicely domed and have little belly buttons on the underside like regular Junor Mints.

The smell, well, even if I wasn’t getting over a bout of food poisoning (and I wasn’t when I took the pictures and had a similar reaction), I found the too sweet and fake fruity scent repulsive. It smells more like cheap air freshener than something to eat. And let’s face it, that’s odd for me because orange blossom is one of my favorite ice cream flavors.

The box has three flavors: Black Cherry (the darkest pink), Orange and Raspberry (light pink). They don’t smell any different from each other.

The candy shell is soft and waxy. It melts slowly and reveals a fondant center with a bit more of a flavor pop and some sort of super sweet center. When I say super sweet, I mean that it exhibits extraordinary characteristics not known in nature. It’s as if Tootsie has taken over a particle accelerator and has somehow found a way to use supercolliders to violate the laws of two objects existing in the same space. There’s twice as much sugar in here as was formerly possible in confectionery to this point.

But of course in order to contain this physical impossibility they’ve contained the super dense fondant in some sort of subspace warp field with an oscillating polarity and improbability drive to power it (that’s housed in the little belly button area). I think the base material was a pile of used crayons found behind on of those restaurants that has the paper on the tables & little cups of generic crayons.

The density of it shocks my teeth, and perhaps creates some sort of electrical field or radiation or something because it makes me woozy and gives the bones in my lower jaw a deep ache.

I fear for the scientists creating these, the texture of the candies was inconsistent. The orange ones had a rather soft center, the cherry ones a sort of crumbly one (apparently the firmness effects the glucose delivery via the wormhole or whatever and it wasn’t as painful). Raspberry was the mildest of the three, which isn’t really a recommendation.

I’m all for investigating the cosmos and believe that many problems can be solved through innovation, but these incredible scientific feats are being used for evil. Pure evil.

They must be destroyed.

And the way to destroy a limited edition candy is to look away. Yes, that’s right, don’t buy it, don’t even pick it up and handle it at the store. Just walk away ... keep going. The fate of the universe depends on you. Don’t try to save me, I’m already infected. Save yourself!

I couldn’t give it a rating of 1 for inedible, as I have to applaud the scientific breakthrough of super-density sweetness.

(Special note, these have no candy category. I have 30 or so “candy type” categories like chocolate or mint or chew and these don’t fit into any of them! They simply cannot exist.)

Related Candies

  1. Junior Mints Peppermint Crunch
  2. Junior Mints Pastels
  3. The Shame of Some “Healthy” Candy
  4. Brachs Bunny Basket Eggs
  5. Inside Out Junior Mints
Name: Limited Edition Junior Fruit Cremes
    RATING:
  • 10 SUPERB
  • 9 YUMMY
  • 8 TASTY
  • 7 WORTH IT
  • 6 TEMPTING
  • 5 PLEASANT
  • 4 BENIGN
  • 3 UNAPPEALING
  • 2 APPALLING
  • 1 INEDIBLE
Brand: Tootsie
Place Purchased: Dollar Tree (Dublin, CA)
Price: $1.00
Size: 4.75 ounces
Calories per ounce: 124
Categories: Fondant, United States, Tootsie, Limited Edition

POSTED BY Cybele AT 8:19 am Tracker Pixel for Entry    

Comments
  1. “I?m all for investigating the cosmos and believe that many problems can be solved through innovation, but these incredible scientific feats are being used for evil. Pure evil. “

    Bravo. smile

    Comment by Sera on 8/04/08 at 9:30 am #
  2. Aw man, I was hoping you’d give these a 1. They sound like they deserve it. After all, the sweetness IS being used for evil…

    Comment by Jitterro on 8/04/08 at 9:33 am #
  3. Ok, I CANNOT stop laughing.  Thanks for taking one for the team, Cybele.  XD

    Comment by Elise on 8/04/08 at 10:46 am #
  4. You definitely made me laugh! These sound just awful. Is there any record of anyone actually liking them?

    Comment by Debby on 8/04/08 at 10:50 am #
  5. hmm..no category exists for these? maybe you should just make one called “evil” or “crap” or something. wow, a 2. thats pretty awful.

    Comment by Doug on 8/04/08 at 10:58 am #
  6. but they LOOK so innocent

    lol, this is your funniest post!

    Comment by piper maru on 8/04/08 at 12:16 pm #
  7. Your curiosity is contagious…  With such a negative review, I have to try these.  Though, I fully believe I will hate them smile

    Comment by Justin on 8/04/08 at 1:11 pm #
  8. Cybele gave me one of these to try.  I asked which flavor was the least heinous, and she suggested orange.  It tasted like a liquid Flintstones vitamin wrapped in fondant.  EPIC FAIL.

    Comment by Bronwen on 8/04/08 at 2:08 pm #
  9. Back away from the Jr. Fruit Cremes… back away!

    Great Review!

    Comment by Melissa on 8/04/08 at 3:09 pm #
  10. seian's avatar

    I selfishly wish you’d tried these before I had. Absolutely horrible stuff! I RARELY throw out candy, but this went straight into the garbage after struggling with several pieces.

    Comment by seian on 8/04/08 at 3:58 pm #
  11. AGH! I’ve been infected too! If only I could have read this two days ago!!!

    To all who are reading this. Please. Don’t try to be brave. Back away.

    Comment by Kittlesnbits on 8/04/08 at 4:17 pm #
  12. Tricia's avatar

    So what you’re saying is that if the Large Hadron Collider doesn’t destroy the earth, these things will??

    Comment by Tricia on 8/04/08 at 4:49 pm #
  13. A 2?! Wow, haven’t seen one of those in awhile.  Great review.  Shame though, they actually sounded kinda promising.

    Comment by Porgy on 8/04/08 at 10:43 pm #
  14. Well they sound simply horrid, so thanks for saving me the disgusting experience. I wonder if the dog would eat them.

    Comment by Jeanna on 8/05/08 at 7:18 am #
  15. ruffy's avatar

    i actually kinda like the concept… too bad the execution is so upsetting.  i haven’t seen these for sale anywhere, anyway.  maybe that’s a good thing.

    Comment by ruffy on 8/05/08 at 9:14 am #
  16. Almost never do I not finish a box of candy I start. The Junior Mints Fruit Cremes are as you describe…appalling. No way I could eat more than two. Way too sweet and just bad. Very bad.

    Comment by Matthew on 8/05/08 at 10:52 am #
  17. Judging by the photo, yours at least look more moist than the petrified ones I had!  I don’t think it will save these losers though.

    Comment by JoAnn on 8/06/08 at 7:35 am #
  18. I wish that I had read your review before I tried them!
    They are just awful!

    Comment by Sallie on 8/06/08 at 8:24 am #
  19. Hey Cybele,

    Just letting you know I salivated over your blog for literally 3 hours yesterday. What can I say, I’m addicted!

    Anyway, I haven’t commented before but I’ve started reading this since I found it a couple of weeks ago.

    I’m actually on a diet so this satisfies my craving for candy while I munch on a caramel peanut Southbeach bar and pretend its whatever yumminess I’m in the middle of reading about.

    P.S. I know these really yummy addictive Wasabi peanuts-I’d send them to you, but would you even consider that candy? (It has sugar in it)

    Alright, now I have to get back to work!

    Comment by E on 8/06/08 at 9:43 am #
  20. ruffy's avatar

    omg i think junior fruit cremes killed cybele

    Comment by ruffy on 8/06/08 at 11:24 am #
  21. “Curiosity is contagious” is right…I need to get my hands on a box of these “evil” candies…LOL. I never found a candy that I couldn’t finish or thought it was bad. This could be my first. Wish me luck smile

    Comment by Trish on 8/08/08 at 1:34 pm #
  22. i truly luz this candy

    Comment by Auhbree on 8/09/08 at 6:10 pm #
  23. This candy is so gross! OMG! Just tried it it’s pretty nasty it tastes like chalk yuk!

    Comment by amanda on 1/17/09 at 11:06 am #
  24. they taste kinda like mentos

    Comment by Brittany Hairston on 2/24/09 at 6:36 am #
  25. These remind me of the time I tried to eat Skittles tropical.

    Comment by Riel on 4/28/09 at 1:34 pm #
  26. I just wanted to say that i recently ate 4 pieces of this candy. About 30 minutes later i started to feel sick and broke out in giant hives. This candy was the only thing i consumed that wasn’t a part of my daily eating habits. I’ve never been allergic to anything so i don’t recommend ANYONE EVER EATING THESE!

    Comment by Horrified on 1/17/10 at 10:48 am #

Name:

Email:
(not published)

Location:
(not published - please don't put your address in there)

URL:

Comments may be held for moderation to prevent spam and other violations of the Candy Blog Comment Policy

Remember me!

Get updates to comments on this post?

Next entry: Nestle Noir

Previous entry: Chocolate Dipped Altoids - Creme de Menthe




 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ABOUT

FEEDS

CONTACT

  • .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
  • Here are some frequently asked questions emailed to me you might want to read first.

EMAIL DIGEST

    For a daily update of Candy Blog reviews, enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

CANDY RATINGS

TYPE

BRAND

COUNTRY

ARCHIVES

Meticulously photographed and documented reviews of candy from around the world. And the occasional other sweet adventures. Open your mouth, expand your mind.

 

 

 

 

Facebook IconTwitter IconTumblr IconRSS Feed IconEmail Icon

COUNTDOWN

Halloween Candy Season Ends

31 days

Read previous coverage

 

 

Which seasonal candy selection do you prefer?

Choose one or more:

  •   Halloween
  •   Christmas
  •   Valentine's Day
  •   Easter

 

image

ON DECK

These candies will be reviewed shortly:

• Candy Cliches

• 15 Caramel Apple Candies

• Pumpkin Spice Candy Roundup

• SweetWorks Celebration Candies - Bears

• Tcho Mokaccino

 

 

image