Friday, April 7, 2006

The Saga of the Valomilk - Review

The Original “Flowing Center” Candy Cups!

I’ve come to realize that about half of how we experience things we eat has to do with experience that we bring to it. A piece of the most amazing cake or the best chocolate during a horrible dinner or at a traumatic time in your life may, actually, leave a bad taste in your mouth. The most mundane sugar morsel might be elevated to ambrosia based on other fantastic associations. Things like candied apples, candy corn and cotton candy all seem to benefit from this phenomenon.

Candy is most often associated with good experiences, as it’s often a reward or an indulgence in the first place. So Valomilks were getting high marks before I even ate them because of my pursuit of them and the lore associated with them. 

But really, 2,400 words and four posts later, you’re wondering, what’s all the fuss about? Are they that good?


The chocolate is smooth, a little sugary and has a slight cool feeling when melting on the tongue. The cream is impossibly sticky, though I never had the “run down your chin” experience with them. The flattened marshmallow is sweet, without being cloying or sappy, but it lacks a vanilla kick I was hoping it would have. I was hoping for real vanilla bean essence here, and perhaps it’s my fault for making the candy into something in my head that it would never be. It was smooth, and it’s true that the chocolate and filling go together well, the proportions are just right, but to be honest ... I wasn’t that keen on them.

I’ve given them at least a half a dozen chances now. I’m not a neat freak, but I really don’t like being sticky. It’s just too hard to eat. As I sit here and eat another package of them, I have a moistened washcloth with me to keep wiping my hands and face. I end up taking bigger bites than I want,  and instead of thinking about what I’m eating, I’m thinking about what a mess it is. Really, if there were a candy I could advocate for the nude, this would be it (as long as they’re not sitting near an ant hill).

I know there was a lot of build up in this series, but most of that is immaterial to the candy itself. I may end up doing the same for some other coveted bar in the future, though I hope it’s one that’s more transportable.  I hope you’ve enjoyed the Saga of the Valomilk and hopefully the actual Valomilks should you get a chance to try them.

Name: Valomilk
  • 10 SUPERB
  • 9 YUMMY
  • 8 TASTY
  • 7 WORTH IT
  • 4 BENIGN
Brand: Russell Sifers Candy Company
Place Purchased: Sample from
Price: $23.88 for a case of 24 ($.99 each)
Size: 2 ounces
Calories per ounce: 140
Categories: Chocolate, Marshmallow, United States, Valomilk

POSTED BY Cybele AT 11:30 am Tracker Pixel for Entry    

  1. Maybe mash them into a bowl and eat ‘em with a spoon… :^)

    Comment by Tricia on 4/07/06 at 5:15 pm #
  2. Great review, funny that it didn’t outscore the Mallo Cup.  As for the nudity, isn’t it an advantage that if you get Valomilk on your clothes that you can at least change them?  If you get Valomilk on your naked body, it’s an automatic shower.  FWIW, I don’t believe that Valomilk would ever be as sexy as that last sentence inadvertently sounded…just a sticky mess.

    I do feel a little vindication about the low score.  I just never liked them very much.  I was afraid about the 10 on the front page and the fact that several were eaten prior to the return trip.

    Comment by Dave on 4/08/06 at 8:51 am #
  3. This was a great series! I really enjoyed reading it. Maybe I’ll run across one of these puppies someday…..

    Comment by Sera on 4/08/06 at 1:25 pm #
  4. Thanks for letting me raid your home stash of a couple of packages of Vals yesterday. I have to say I was hoping to take little bites of mine but after one I opted to forego the ensuing mess and just pop the rest in. It was definitely tempting but not anything I’d actively seek out.

    Comment by Will Campbell on 4/09/06 at 1:50 pm #
  5. I’m addicted to all things sweet and your blog is what I head to when the cravings hit, but theres no candy or sweet treat within easy reach OR if there is, but the pants are getting uncomfortably snug.
    Kudos smile

    Comment by Pinkeagle on 4/09/06 at 8:40 pm #
  6. Well, I’ve been candy vindicated. That is to say, I was equally unimpressed trying the Valomilk for the first time, but I wasn’t sure how my palate would compare with yours. I was intimidated by your candy fame and was quite relieved. Here’s to trusting what you like.

    Comment by Amy on 4/10/06 at 5:55 am #
  7. I found these at Central Market one time and loved them, but when I went back they were gone.

    Comment by yanina on 12/07/06 at 8:56 am #
  8. I know this is late in the game, but I found a way to eat these that makes me love them even more.  Try putting them in the fridge for a day (or an hour or two) and then eating them.  Smaller bites, the marshmallow is more pronounced in flavor and it will not make a mess.

    Comment by Tina on 1/03/07 at 8:13 am #
  9. haha I just received my shipment of these today, also catalyzed by Candy Freak… and your review is spot on, about taste and texture. I was hoping for more.  The only “more” that I have is the eleven more packages (22 cups…) that came in my somewhat bulk shipment.  I can only hope that one of them will have that “run down my chin” power… but I’m not holding my breath.

    Comment by Nina on 2/23/07 at 7:38 pm #
  10. Tried my first one today.  Definitely not for people with beards raspberry> .

    Comment by Justin on 11/07/07 at 3:53 pm #
  11. I had longed for a Valomilk cup for years.  When I came across a package at a truck stop I was positively GIDDY!
    The taste however was not as I had expected.  It didn’t have the runny slightly vanilla nipped flavor it used to have.  And the chocolate…..  it seemed a little more waxy? 
    But I am remembering them from childhood.
    Remember those wide taffy sticks?  I think they were at least 3 inches wide with a white strip down the middle.  Bannana flavor was the best!!

    Comment by Chelle on 6/24/08 at 6:17 am #
  12. Just came across this series, wanted to say I really enjoyed it. (even though I found it so late.)

    Comment by becky on 10/18/08 at 10:25 am #
  13. My husband and I keep a case of these in the fridge.  He eats them every now and then when he needs a big dose of sugar.  I think that they have excellent chocolate, but the overall taste is too sweet for me to really enjoy.  I prefer to sit and watch him get marshmallow goo all over his chin and hands while I eat a tidy piece of dark chocolate.

    Comment by Margaret on 10/22/08 at 9:33 am #
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